How to Heal from Emotional & Verbal Abuse

Two years ago, I lie awake in our guest bedroom. My body was shaking uncontrollably, and my heart pounded. I was confused and numb at the same time. Although I was never physically hurt, I was suddenly aware of how I physically responded to the words and the emotions behind them.

Just a few weeks ago, I had started working with a coach for the first time. When you sign up for support and ask for help, major healing and transformation is possible. I recently re-read the vulnerable e-mail I sent to my coach asking guidance about my experience. Her response shocked me.

She informed me that it sounded as if I was experiencing emotional and verbal abuse and that my body was producing a trauma response because of it. She recommended I seek the help of a trauma therapist as this was outside of her scope to help.

Abuse? I blinked.. What?!

The Awakening

The first step to healing is going through the messy and uncomfortable step of awakening. It’s when you wake up to the truth of the situation.

As the shock wore off and the truth that I couldn’t see for years was now clearly in front of me, I began working through the phases of healing some of the biggest wounds of my life.

I tend to be very critical of myself and this awakening was no exception. How did this happen to me? How could I have not known? Why the hell did I think of abused victims as only being physical?

The Choice 

I hadn’t yet forgiven myself but there was one thing I was damn sure of.. it wasn’t going to happen again. As I processed, I very clearly saw a pattern emerging of women being verbally and emotionally abused by their husbands. I stated a very clear and fierce command “the cycle ends with me.” I was determined to do all in my power to prevent this from happening to my daughter. I would not be the example of acceptance.

In that instant, I was transformed. I received my first miracle of healing by becoming aware of the truth and choosing to change.

You know the universe is working to support you when synchronicities show up at just the right time. The very next day after receiving the guidance to find a therapist, a friend gave me a referral to a trauma therapist who just so happened to have an opening that Friday.

I shared my story with her and explained that if I was being honest, this has been going on for years even before we were married. I was so grateful for someone to be able to hold space for me during this time. I already had the answers but I needed someone to hold space for me to work it all out.

Believe it or not, this story actually has a really beautiful and surprising ending. 

The Crumble

Awkward weeks went by and I didn’t know what to do. My instinct was to run. I got very clear guidance to leave. I even remember listening to a song on the radio that was literally called “you should probably leave” and I knew that is what I had to do.

It's not easy to walk away from a 13 year marriage, it’s not easy to break up a family, and I was now in a very difficult position of being 100% financially dependent on my husband. I had quit my full-time job months prior and had recently gone back to school (online) to become a health coach. We had also recently moved across the country to a town and state in which I had zero family and very little friends. I had nowhere to go and no idea how I was going to support myself and my children on my own, but I was still willing to do it because I was guided to do so.

I finally accepted that this is what was going to have to happen in order for me to heal. I spent a lot of time envisioning what my new home/life would look like. I got lost in the dream of it really feeling how it would be, feel, smell, and look. I didn’t know it at the time but I was manifesting my dream home that I would live in with my children… except the universe had something even better in mind.

I scheduled an appointment with a divorce attorney and I told my husband of my decision. I fully expected his response to be how he would typically respond to me. I figured he would manipulate me, get me to see how I couldn’t live without him (because financially I was worthless) and how I was confused because all of this was really actually my fault. I thought he would get pissed and tell me to leave. In fact, I wanted him to; I wanted to see his surprise when I actually did. I was really done and I was a different person.

The Miracle 

But his response was nothing I had expected at all! In fact, he responded as if he was different too. Was this possible?

For the first time since I had known him, his apology actually sounded genuine. He looked ashamed and broken. He later told me it was the darkest time of his life. He had just lost his best friend to cancer and now he was losing his wife and kids. Everything he thought mattered before did not. Now it was his turn to receive a miracle and he chose to finally see a different perspective. He chose to see the truth and he chose to change.

I was pretty skeptical of what had just transpired. He wasn’t begging me to stay but offering me the home. He would continue to support our family even if he wasn’t to be a part of it anymore. He was taking real ownership of his behavior. Was this for real? But as much as I tried to deny it, I was witnessing a totally different human before me. Like me, he was transforming.

In my therapy session, I shared the story with my counselor who offered me yet another miracle. I was so confused. I had received clear signs to be done with the relationship, but his response is making me question things. She offered, “Maybe you had to be done, in order for him to wake up?”

My guidance was clear – I had to take these steps for me, but he had free will to respond. I’m so grateful he chose to finally heal that part of him. Two years later and I have the marriage I've always desired. I am married to my best friend and we've learned to heal, communicate, and connect in ways I didn't know was possible.

We experienced so many quantum leaps of healing in this story and even more miracles occurred within our lives shortly after, like the home that I manifested suddenly appeared in our lives and we moved our entire family there a few months later.

It’s taken me two years to share this story because it took me that long to heal and be able to share this from a place of love and wisdom. Through this humbling experience I healed co-dependency, emotional and verbal abuse, unworthiness, generational patterns, and my relationship. I re-wrote stories and belief systems, released trapped emotions, healed my damaged central nervous system and more..

Because of this great gift, a deeply loving relationship emerged with my husband. I'm forever grateful.

If any of my story resonates with you, I’d love to hear from you and support you in your transformation. I invite you to co-create a beautiful, authentic, and aligned life. Grab my free guide for tips to get started on elevating your life today!